This flash fiction is inspired by the following photo prompt. the challenge is hosted by Madison Woods.
I welcome constructive criticism that’s why I am posting these pieces on a blog. 🙂 Thanks in advance.
Wordcount: 100
A barbwire fence separates me from the spot, where he took his last breath. I see the emergency crew laying him on a stretcher. They try in vain to get his heart pumping again. But his body had slammed into the steering wheel with a tremendous impact. The damage was too much for his young body to bear. Why didn’t he buckle his seatbelt? Why did he drive drunk? Why didn’t his friends stop him?
Now I stand beside the road and brave the elements to serve as a warning against the senseless loss of life. Don’t drink and drive!
366 Degree 
I wish more people would listen to the advice in your story without experiencing tragedy. Thanks for sharing!
Sad but true! Too many people underestimate the effect of alcohol on their reflexes, concentration, etc. A tragedy is usually a wake-up call. Unfortunately not everyone receives a second chance to learn from a mistake. Thanks for dropping by and commenting.
Absolutely. In the mountains where my story, mostly true, came from, people die every year from drunk driving. It’s out where there aren’t a lot of people, and no cops, so people just do what they want. And every year adults and teens drive over cliffs, into trees, into each other. swerve to avoid deer and crash, all while drunk with poor reaction time and terrible judgement. The huge county has one high school of about 400 and each year about 4 kids would die either fron driving or guns but nearly always while drunk.
So sad. 😦
From the first time i read you…something tells me to follow you closely…now, i know why…your insight are deep and far-reaching…the POV caught me unguarded. Lovely done!!
http://seewilliams.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/iron-wall/
Why thank you for the compliment. 🙂 I appreciate it very much. Wish you a lovely weekend.
That was excellent, Irene!
I just read Charles comment above… he said it all for me… I’m glad to be in Irene’s world.
http://tedstrutz.com/2012/03/30/flash-fridayfictioneers-lost-opportunity/?preview=true&preview_id=795&preview_nonce=5782857aeb
Heading your way right now. 🙂
Strong piece and excellent advice, Irene. Thanks for stopping by my blog. For the others, it’s at:
http://banterwithbeth.blogspot.com/2012/03/better-than-hunting.html?showComment=1333135984672#c3753053997183551805
Thank you! Wish you a pleasant weekend.
I welcome you with open arms. 🙂
I love both the POV and the story. Well told. A somber message that cannot be repeated to often.
Thank you for your kind words on
http://www.wakefieldmahon.com/1/post/2012/03/last-stand-fridayfictioneers.html
Thanks. I’ll head over to your place in a while.
Thank you. I really enojoyed your story, although I am not a fan of zombies. 🙂
OK, let me just say that your message is a good one. However, the picture does not look like a car crash.
Thank you for your comment. Let me just explain what was going on in my head, as I wrote this. It wasn’t a crash, crash. I tried to express the fact that he was driving too fast, had to break and since he was not wearing a seatbelt hit into the steering wheel and died because of internal injuries. If he had been wearing a seatbelt, he would probably only have bruises. If he weren’t drunk he probably wouldn’t have been driving too fast or breaked that harshly.
I have to admit, I found this prompt extremely difficult to write something unexpected on and it is not one of my good writing pieces.
Have a nice weekend! 🙂
Oh. I initially thought of a car crash too but I went the other way around. This reminds me of the music video of Coldplay’s The Scientist. A flash fiction with a moral story. I like this.
Thank you. Have a great weekend! 🙂
An unfortunate tale indeed. I found myself focusing on who was doing the talking. Finally I decided on it being a younger brother. Mind’s gotta fill in those blanks sometimes! 🙂
Here’s mine: http://rnfontenot.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/flash-fiction-friday/
I intentionally wanted the reader to think it was a person’s voice and add the twist that it was the pick-up instead. Kind of lame perhaps but I was struggling with this prompt. Got a full day today, will have to head to your place tomorrow. Wish you a nice weekend.
Very powerful message, always a nice touch.
My story: http://authorbrandonscott.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/sins-of-a-father/
Thank you. Your message is really deep. I can imagine philosophers talking for hours over what is morally right and wrong and if all humans have an evil seed in them waiting to sprout, if the conditions are right. It was a captivating read.
Nice unexpected POV in a very telling story!! Need this on postcards to pass out at prom night.
here’s mine: http://ajaroffireflies.blogspot.com/2012/03/friday-fictioneers.html
🙂 I loved your story about young love.
Such truer words were never spoken. Good story.
Thank you.
I know, right!
This is a very good message. I liked the personal feel of the first paragraph better than the second, though. While it’s important to spread a well-meaning message, it’s more important in fiction to just tell the story and let other infer the message from it.
http://littlewonder2.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/friday-fictioneers-abandoned/
I agree that the voice in the second paragraph is more my own that the pick-up’s. I was drowning and grasping at words. The message would have been more powerful, if the obvious had not been stated blantly. I appreciate your feeedback. 🙂
Thanks for dropping by. Cheers!
The truck as a sentinel, serving as a warning. That’s good.
Mine is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/flash-fiction-friday/
Thank you and I liked your interpretation.
I agree with littlewonder2. Yes, we all know the all-too familiar story and sad message but the writer of fiction, if not a journalist, must be careful not to get preachy. Touch our hearts through the characters and story. Here’s mine:
http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
I should have continued in the truck’s voice instead of letting my own voice come through in the second paragraph. I get what you both mean about being preachy. I will keep that in mind for future posts. I appreciate your feedback.
Sad but so true. There’s something really poignant about stories written from the point of view of inanimate objects, and this one is no exception. Loved it.
http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/i-met-this-guy-friday-fictioneers-30-march-2012/
Thanks, Sandra. 🙂
Well-written story. I like the way the truck narrates the tale from his POV. Good job!
Mine: http://www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html
Thank you. I liked your fast forward flashback too.
No pun intended, but this was very sobering and I imagine if you had more words to use the description of the body might have been more graphic. I don’t know, but I imagine you, the narrator, as some type of wraith who appears at the scene of every accident like this to both mourn and warn. A very powerful use of 100 words!
🙂 Thank you for the kind words.
Dear Irene,
Your conclusion and the reveal that the narrator is the truck itself was a nice touch. Somber, sad and sentimental all caught up in that rusty relic on the side of the road. Well done.
Aloha,
Doug
I appreciate your feedback. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
A very sad, powerful story. The POV threw me at first, but when it hit home it just made the story for me.
http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/fridayfictioneers-out-of-gas/
Thanks. I liked your scary interpretation of the prompt. 🙂
Wonderful way to incorporate a message into your one hundred words. Nicely done.
Here’s mine: http://teschoenborn.com/2012/03/30/friday-fictioneer-4/
Thanks 🙂
It was effective to have a “truck” POV…it would be interesting to see where you went with this piece continuing in the fiction realm…thanks for sharing a message…no matter when or where, you never know who will benefit from such a message.
http://integrativethought.wordpress.com
I got the idea from a writing exercise I had while in school; we had to write a story which a fifty cent coin would say, if it could speak. Thank you for commenting.
I’ll probably think of your story next time I see an old abandoned junker. I applaud your noble spirit to try to help others through your writing.
Here’s mine: http://wp.me/p1Tjpv-9G
Thanks. Heading your way now.
Maybe one day people will finally come to their senses – unfortunately those senses get blurred with alchohol and they think they can drive just fine. Too bad bars (and friends) don’t require an automatic taxi service after the second or third drink.
Even though you had a hard time with the prompt you produced a story that is going to be in everyone’s minds for a long time when they see old junkers on the side of the road, I think. Good job on the story and not giving up in the face of difficulty 😉
Thank you 🙂
Hallo Irene,
Your words are sometimes more vivid than the images you build your flash stories upon. Keep the beef and get rid of the fat.Try to use less adjectives.
🙂
Carlo
Very Classy! Nice work!