Motherly instincts

I got married pretty in today’s standards. But my husband and I decided to wait before we had children. We are both glad to have almost 15 years being just the two of us. We even had the chance to go travelling for a year. Sure we plan to continue travelling with our son. But in many ways it would be a different kind of travelling.

Approximately 2 years ago, I found out that I was pregnant. It was the 1st of April and I used 2 pregnancy tests just to be sure. J My husband even thought it was an April fool’s joke.

Only after I was pregnant did I start to concern myself with the whole topic of pregnancy, pre-natal care and the act of giving birth itself. Before that I was kind of like, “Yeah! I’ll have a planned C-Section!” The images of pregnancy in my head were those from movies, where when the water bag breaks a liquid gushes out from between the legs and where women scream like crazy from pain while pushing. So yes, I was basically afraid of the pain and thought that a C-Section although an operation would not be as painful as giving birth naturally.

It was only after I started reading up on the subject that I realised my misconception. Ina May Gaskin’s books helped me a lot to overcome my fear of the pain of giving birth. I truly recommend them to all pregnant women and their partners. I learned about how I can work with my body during the birthing process and even enjoy it. The approach was to focus on methods and techniques to deal with the childbirth pain instead of numbing it with epidural anaesthesia or replacing it with the post operation pain of a planned (and medically unnecessary) C-Section.

During the whole process of research, I was not only thinking about what was best for me. I also wanted what was best for the child. My motherly instincts were kicking in. In the end, there was no doubt in my mind. I was convinced that, if the pregnancy should progress normally and be void of complications, the best for me and my child would be a home birth. I wanted to experience a birth with minimal intervention, where I am completely at ease and can let the birth progress at its own pace.

I was able to convince my husband of this approach too. He realised that it was not the hormones talking but rather that I was making an informed decision and he supported me fully. Unfortunately this was not the case for my gynaecologist. She literally told me that she would not continue to care for me, if I planned on having a home birth. However she could not give us a single sensible argument why she was against it. At the end of our appointment, she simply said “See you in 4 weeks time”, assuming that just because she said no, I would drop the idea of a home birth. Luckily I found a midwife, who was specialised in home births and I switched to having all my pre-natal check-ups with her. I’ll write more about it in another post.

What thoughts did you have, when you found out that you or your partner was pregnant?

Creature of habit

Man is largely a creature of habit, and many of his activities are more or less automatic reflexes from the stimuli of his environment.

G. Stanley
(Source: m/quotes/quotes/g/gstanleyh393266.html)

Mr. Stanley should know what he is talking about. After all he was a psychologist. I have been skimming past some of my old posts. In effect although years have gone by, I still struggle with the same bad habits. The worst is basically being a couch potato and passively consuming shows, movies, etc. Many years ago it was sitting in front of the television. Then it was cable TV. Meanwhile it is Netflix. You know the worst thing is I watch Netflix on my mobile. It doesn’t matter that even the early televisions had a bigger screen. I just need the sound of dialogue in the background, regardless of what I am (trying to) do.

Probably like many others I binge watch on Netflix. I always find a reason to start the Netflix app on my mobile or tablet. For instance, just after my son was born, I binge watched Doctor Who. I told myself I am too tired to watch something more brainy and my attention should be on the baby any ways. “Exterminate! Exterminate!” “Delete! Delete!” I wish I could do that to some of my memories of this time. (Not necessarily that of Doctor Who. I have come to like the series. J)

But looking back; I regret not having used my maternity leave wisely and productively. I definitely could have written at the very least a handful of blog posts. But being a creature of habit, I am caught in same the behavioural patterns. A habit is like a sticky spider web and I am the insect caught in it. The more I fight to get out of it, the more I get stuck to the sticky threads. The irony of the situation is that I spun the sticky web myself.

Is there no way out of this? How can I get rid of this habit that is preventing me from spending time on activities that would make my life feel richer und fulfilled? Well there seems to be a way. I came across an article on the web that mentioned one could create a new habit in 21 days. Wow! How great is that? Why didn’t I hear of this earlier? Do something for 21 days and presto it becomes a habit that you do automatically. Alas it is not quite that simple. It seems that Dr. Maxwell Maltz is being quoted out of context. He was a plastic surgeon and realised that it took his patients about 21 days to get used to their new image. Therefore he came up with an exercise to change ones self-image in 21 days. All it takes is a 30 Minute „meditation“ session, where you imagine yourself acting in certain situations the way you would like to act not how you usually would act. (Source: So in my case I would probably imagine myself in my free time, instead of searching on Netflix for something to watch, writing posts for my blog. At some point these images would be stored in my mind like a memory. As a result, being a creature of habit my mind would be tricked into doing something other than watching Netflix. At least that is the theory.

I will try out this exercise and let you know, if it helped me break out of old behavioural patterns.

Guess who is back?

Long time no blog.

At first it was work that kept me busy. Then it was Watchever – kind of like Netflix. Then it was Netflix. I have been binge watching all kinds of series. Some cool stuff but some were really a waste of time. Time that is lost forever. Unfortunately I was weak and couldn’t help myself.

But for some time now, I have been itching to blog again. There are experiences yearning to be shared und opinions waiting to expressed. I catch myself thinking “That would be a fitting title for an article”. Today I finally googled “How to log in to my wordpress account” and reset my password. (That’s how long it’s been!) Its time to let the words flow.

Wish me preserverance and the strength not to succumb to Netflix anymore! I am not saying that I am not going to watch anymore. I simply plan on keeping my Netflix-Time to a minimum. 🙂

Cheers, Irene

A ghost from the past!

Since the year is only 6 days old, I wish all readers of this post a Happy New Year. May 2013 be a blessed, healthy, and happy one for you.

Just in case you have been wondering what happened to me, here is a quick update.

Good news is I am still alive. I mean there are countless numbers of ways I could have died in 2012. But I didn’t. There were times when I felt like a ghost though, while reading a new comment on a post long after I posted it. Even after months of inactivity, the occasional reader would post encouraging words, making me regret having abandoned my blog.

As you might remember, I started a new job in April 2012 and that basically put an end to my blogging project. Initially I thought that the 4 hours commute to and back from work could be put to good use by writing posts or working on that I book I have been wanting to write for ages. Reality however turned out to be much different. (Isn’t that always the case?) The only thing I did during the journeys was read. I managed to read a couple of interesting books though, which was a definite plus. Since I didn’t have much time for anything else during the weekdays, I had to take care of all my To Dos during the weekend. Still I could have found an hour or so each week, if I had really wanted to blog. But I was mentally too lazy and often succumbed to the senseless occupation of my mental processes by what was shown on Pay TV. J

So why bother posting in 2013 at all? First of all, we have unsubscribed Pay TV. Yeah! I am hoping that less TV equals more time and mental energy for creative pursuits. I hope to post at least once each week, let’s see how that goes.

Happy 2013!

Oh where, oh where is Irene?

Dear (please fill in your name here),

as you might have noticed. I have not been commenting on your wonderful blog posts or react to the insightful comments you have made on mine for about a week now.

Starting a new job is physically and mentally draining. Good Friday and Easter Monday are public holidays in Germany but I needed this time to recharge my internal battery. 🙂

I am not saying that I will no longer visit you. I will but I have to reduce my daily visits to once a week; most probably on a Sunday. I hope to keep you entertained during the week with the flash fiction I write during my commute to work.

I wish you an exciting and happy week ahead.

Take care.

Yours sincerely,

There won’t be another day

This flash fiction is inspired by the following photo prompt. the challenge is hosted by Madison Woods. Head over there for more flash fiction action.

I welcome constructive criticisms. That’s why I am posting these pieces on a blog. 🙂 Thanks in advance for taking the time to comment.

Wordcount: 100


Let’s take a dip to cool off before food.

My Blackberry vibrated.

Please don’t! You promised today would be just for us.

I apologised to her but answered the call. My secretary said that I was urgently needed back in the office.

I’ll walk back after lunch. Alone. Again.


I sit down on the grassy bank. I feel the morning dew seeping through my jeans. I watch the sun rise.

Its orangey rays illuminate the mist covered fields. But they are not strong enough to chase away the chill within me. Last night she told me she wants a divorce.

Flash Fiction Faction – The Excursion

This week’s Flash Fiction Faction by Quill Shiv is a picture prompt. Head over there to read more Flash Fiction Factions.

As usual, I appreciate your comments, feedback and constructive criticisms.

Wordcount is 105.


Samantha raised her hand but Mrs. Sweet ignored her. “We will not carry on until someone tells me how a marsh is formed.” Samantha yearned to take off her rubber boots and wade into the murky waters. She imagined the mud oozing through her ticklish toes. However her classmates thought learning was for losers, which resulted in a silent standoff between Mrs. Sweet and the class. “Me! Me,” cried Samantha impatiently. “Give the others a chance…aw!” While talking to Samantha, Mrs. Sweet took a step backwards and tripped over a rotting bridge piling. With a muddy splash, she landed on her bottom. The class broke their silence with unbridled laughter.