Forget him not

This flash fiction is inspired by the following photo prompt. the challenge is hosted by Madison Woods.

I welcome constructive criticism that’s why I am posting these pieces on a blog. πŸ™‚ Thanks in advance.

Wordcount: 100

A barbwire fence separates me from the spot, where he took his last breath. I see the emergency crew laying him on a stretcher. They try in vain to get his heart pumping again. But his body had slammed into the steering wheel with a tremendous impact. The damage was too much for his young body to bear. Why didn’t he buckle his seatbelt? Why did he drive drunk? Why didn’t his friends stop him?

Now I stand beside the road and brave the elements to serve as a warning against the senseless loss of life. Don’t drink and drive!

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54 thoughts on “Forget him not

    • Sad but true! Too many people underestimate the effect of alcohol on their reflexes, concentration, etc. A tragedy is usually a wake-up call. Unfortunately not everyone receives a second chance to learn from a mistake. Thanks for dropping by and commenting.

  1. Absolutely. In the mountains where my story, mostly true, came from, people die every year from drunk driving. It’s out where there aren’t a lot of people, and no cops, so people just do what they want. And every year adults and teens drive over cliffs, into trees, into each other. swerve to avoid deer and crash, all while drunk with poor reaction time and terrible judgement. The huge county has one high school of about 400 and each year about 4 kids would die either fron driving or guns but nearly always while drunk.

    • Thank you for your comment. Let me just explain what was going on in my head, as I wrote this. It wasn’t a crash, crash. I tried to express the fact that he was driving too fast, had to break and since he was not wearing a seatbelt hit into the steering wheel and died because of internal injuries. If he had been wearing a seatbelt, he would probably only have bruises. If he weren’t drunk he probably wouldn’t have been driving too fast or breaked that harshly.
      I have to admit, I found this prompt extremely difficult to write something unexpected on and it is not one of my good writing pieces.
      Have a nice weekend! πŸ™‚

  2. Oh. I initially thought of a car crash too but I went the other way around. This reminds me of the music video of Coldplay’s The Scientist. A flash fiction with a moral story. I like this.

    • I intentionally wanted the reader to think it was a person’s voice and add the twist that it was the pick-up instead. Kind of lame perhaps but I was struggling with this prompt. Got a full day today, will have to head to your place tomorrow. Wish you a nice weekend.

    • Thank you. Your message is really deep. I can imagine philosophers talking for hours over what is morally right and wrong and if all humans have an evil seed in them waiting to sprout, if the conditions are right. It was a captivating read.

    • I agree that the voice in the second paragraph is more my own that the pick-up’s. I was drowning and grasping at words. The message would have been more powerful, if the obvious had not been stated blantly. I appreciate your feeedback. πŸ™‚
      Thanks for dropping by. Cheers!

    • I should have continued in the truck’s voice instead of letting my own voice come through in the second paragraph. I get what you both mean about being preachy. I will keep that in mind for future posts. I appreciate your feedback.

  3. Michael Fishman says:

    No pun intended, but this was very sobering and I imagine if you had more words to use the description of the body might have been more graphic. I don’t know, but I imagine you, the narrator, as some type of wraith who appears at the scene of every accident like this to both mourn and warn. A very powerful use of 100 words!

  4. Dear Irene,

    Your conclusion and the reveal that the narrator is the truck itself was a nice touch. Somber, sad and sentimental all caught up in that rusty relic on the side of the road. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  5. Maybe one day people will finally come to their senses – unfortunately those senses get blurred with alchohol and they think they can drive just fine. Too bad bars (and friends) don’t require an automatic taxi service after the second or third drink.

  6. Madison Woods says:

    Even though you had a hard time with the prompt you produced a story that is going to be in everyone’s minds for a long time when they see old junkers on the side of the road, I think. Good job on the story and not giving up in the face of difficulty πŸ˜‰

  7. Hallo Irene,

    Your words are sometimes more vivid than the images you build your flash stories upon. Keep the beef and get rid of the fat.Try to use less adjectives.
    πŸ™‚
    Carlo

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