Back to Nature

This flash fiction is inspired by the following photo prompt. the challenge is hosted by Madison Woods.

I welcome constructive criticism that’s why I am posting these pieces on a blog. 🙂 Thanks in advance.

“Mommy! I need to pee!”

“Lily, why aren’t you asleep yet? You peed thirty minutes ago!”

“Mom! I can’t sleep. Lee is wiggling in her sleeping bag!”

Samantha rolled her eyes at Jack. She left the warmth of the campfire and headed towards the children’s tent.

“Come on Lily. Do you only need to pee?”

Lily nodded her head energetically as she got out of her sleeping bag.

Samantha looked back at Jack and her smile slowly melted away.

“Lee sweetie, I need you to keep quiet and still. Kids, remember what I told you to do when a bear visits us?”

57 thoughts on “Back to Nature”

    • My first camping experience was in Europe. No bears here, at least not that many. We were in Yosemite and came across a mother and baby bear. They were very close to a camp ground. I was camping on Fraiser Island, when dingoes roamed through the campsite. We were told to be vary of them because they could attack. I also saw a video of tourists, who were watching bears when one of them appraoched the group. They all kept silent and remained sitting. After some growling and grunting the bear joined his pals. He was probably full with salmon anyway. These were my inspiration for this flash fiction.
      Cheers!

      Reply

  2. This was a charming take on the prompt. I can almost envision the trees silhouetted in the campfire light. I hate camping – just because using the outside toilet and sleeping on the ground were so uncomfortable for me – add the bears, and I am out of there!

    Reply

    • I hate camping too but my husband is an outdoor person. So once in a while we go camping. I haven’t been camping in bear area though. I have a feeling my husband would love that. 🙂 Thanks for dropping by.

      Reply

  3. Yikes, cliffhanger! Great scene setting here.

    This reminds me of a story my infant school teacher told us about her trip to Canada, long way back now, but bear+camping always stuck with me!

    I’ve been to the forests in the USA, and never saw a single bear, dammit. Probably a good thing, to be honest…

    Reply

    • Thanks.
      I saw a mother and baby bear in Yosemite once. I even have a photo of them, got to look for them. As interesting an experience it might be, I am glad to simply read about bear encounters. 🙂

      Reply

    • Thank you for the feedback. I appreciate it and will keep this in mind the next time I write. I had this scene unfolding in my head and of course I knew, who is who. But I see how it can be confusing for someone outside of my head. 🙂 Cheers!

      Reply

  11. Wow, I can relate to this piece. We camp in bear country here, and I warn the kids to not even bring a stick of gum into the tent. And, I HATE getting up to pee (or taking one of the kids) in the dark in the middle of the night…scary stuff. I wonder what happens next in your story…(I can hear the bear snuffling around outside the tent).

    ~Susan (here’s mine: http://www.susanwenzel.com/)

    Reply

    • The bear was just curious and went its way. She was glad that the kids were obedient enough not to smuggle gum in their tent and that they had decided against catching salmon for dinner. I hear that bears love salmon. Thanks for dropping by. 🙂

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      • Gladly…and I came back to see if you commented and your story made me smile…again! (PS – last time we camped, we found two large piles of fresh scat on a path quite near the tent – at least the kids knew we weren’t kidding)

  17. Madison Woods says:

    I love camping and your story captured the experience with small children very well.

    I have two crits to offer (since you asked). I’d use the first exclamation mark maybe, but not the others because it just feels like too many in so short a space even if they are actually yelling in every sentence. The second thing is to drop ‘energetically’ when she’s shaking her head because you can show that instead of using an adverb and it makes better prose. You could have her clamp her knees together and hold her hands to her crotch like little girls often do when they have to pee really badly. Then we’ll know she’s energetically shaking her head 😉 Hard to do all that in 100 words, though, I know.

    Great story and thanks for joining us! I hope you’ll come back next week 🙂

    Reply

    • Thanks for the critique. I will keep that in mind for the future. I think writing Flash Fiction is a perfect way for me to learn about writing and editing, since every word counts. 🙂 You bet I’ll be back next week. Looking forward to it already!

      Reply

    • We have camped many times and in various places in Australia. The closest we came to “wild” animals was dingoes on Fraiser Island. But except for a chewed up slipper belonging to a fellow camper, (she freaked out because she was sure she kept them inside the tent and so the dingo must have stucked its head in her tent), nothing exciting has happened so far. 🙂
      Thanks for coming by. I will head towards your way asap. 🙂 Wish you a great weekend.

      Reply
  23. Lora Mitchell says:

    Hi Irenelefort: Welcome to FridayFictioneers. I went camping once in my life and once was enough. Hated it. I love my creature comforts too much. I was confused by the different names. Had to re-read bec. I was not clear who Jack was at first. Also…86 all those exclamation marks. The less used, the better. Otherwise, nice job. Here’s mine:
    http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

    Reply

    • Thanks for the feedback. I seem to have a real problem with exclamation marks. I have a loud voice and my husband often tells me to lower “the volume”. It seems I have a loud writing voice too. I will keep that in mind. 🙂 I am heading your way, as I am writing this. Happy Sunday! (oops! There I go again! *$%§) 🙂

      Reply

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