A Father’s take on Gender Stereotypes

(This is a comment on my post on Gender Stereoptypes. It is written by a father and he makes such great arguments, I thought it is worth being a post of its own. Here is the link to the author’s blog: Covered by the Dust. Thank you for sharing your views with us.)

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My wife and I worry over gender stereotyping with our daughter… especially before she was born. Everything we bought was gender neutral, but I look over to my 8 month old now and she’s dressed in pink. Ok its leggings and a t-shirt rather than a dress, but still typically ‘girly’. The clothes were a gift

So why did we relax about it and put these clothes on her? Well we came to realise that to impose gender neutrality is still imposition. As Tabitha grows she’ll know she’s a girl as will the world, by hiding her gender the world will not suddenly treat her in a non-gendered fashion… in fact it’ll become more amplified. We don’t buy Tabitha dolls and we never bought our older son an action man. But our boy does have a lot of ‘boyish’ things… he was into Ben 10 so he has some Ben 10 stuff. We try hard not to re-enforce gender stereotypes but nor will we legislate completely what they have… so we dont deny our son a toy on the basis of it being too girly or too boyish. As it turns out our son isn’t at all sporty, he likes to write stories and draw and do a number of things that other boys around him think him strange for, but importantly he doesn’t feel uncomfortable in his skin because as parents we’ve never made it a ‘thing’. So what if a boy wears a bow in a hair and prefers a hand bag to a rucksack… it’d be a mistake to judge against that because of stereotypes… but I do think that it is possible to take it too far the other way and make everything loaded and have meaning as a gendered thing or activity… when to kids it doesn’t even enter their heads, but they can pick up on it from us. I think its just as bad to bring a kid up as being hyper aware of gender through denial as it is to force them into traditional gender roles. Kids should be allowed to be kids, and what kid doesn’t want to clop around in their mums high heels… its funny!

People always mistake tabitha for a boy… even on days when she’s in pink. Thats because physically babies look the same whatever their sex. The social signifiers of hair length isn’t in play yet I suppose but more to the point it says to me that gender isn’t even something at play till much later, any gender worry is totally the imposition of adults.

What I hope to do with both my children as they grow is model and explain how to be the best they can. I hope to demonstrate how to be a good person but also to my son I hope to show how to be a good man, by which I mean that I want him to understand that societal gender disparity is a construct and I want him not to contribute to it. Same with Tabitha.

I certainly think that the story of Sasha and many others like him has noble aims but I’m not sure that it doesn’t contribute to the problem of a child’s gender, treatment and later sexuality being something constructed by outside forces… its just a different set of forces.

Are you leaving behind a digital inheritance or a digital zombie?

As I was researching for the post on the Facebook app, If I die, I came across a Ted talk by Adam Ostrow. His talk was titled: After your final status update. It is about his idea for the future of our digital inheritance. He pondered the possibility that all the digital content we create during our lifetime, could be used to create digital personas. These in turn can interact with the living even after our death. Click here to view the video. Here is a transcript excerpt of his talk that inspired me to write this post.

But what if those robots were able to interact based on the unique characteristics of a specific person based on the hundreds of thousands of pieces of content that person produces in their lifetime?

Finally, think back to this famous scene from election night 2008 back in the United States, where CNN beamed a live hologram of hip hop artist will.i.am into their studio for an interview with Anderson Cooper. What if we were able to use that same type of technology to beam a representation of our loved ones into our living rooms — interacting in a very lifelike way based on all the content they created while they were alive? I think that’s going to become completely possible as the amount of data we’re producing and technology’s ability to understand it both expand exponentially. Now in closing, I think what we all need to be thinking about is if we want that to become our reality — and if so, what it means for a definition of life and everything that comes after it.

Do the contents we are creating accurately describe us?
Adam mentions in his talk that on average of 200 million tweets are posted in a day and each user creates about 90 pieces of content on Facebook in a month. By the sounds of it, we are creating a lot of content. There should be enough input for some machine to analyse all the content we have created and generate a digital persona incorporating our interests and views. Theoretically this digital persona would create new content on its own and continue to interact with the world and no one might be the wiser for it.

But how much of the content we are creating is new content and how much of it is forwarding content created by someone else? Of course you might argue that the act of forwarding in an indication of our interest. Is it really? Or do we think about what others would favour and post accordingly? Of all the videos uploaded on YouTube, what proportion are rip offs of TV series and movies and how many are original? (One user uploaded a video of a popular TV series and added the disclaimer “No copy right intended”. I wonder if the producers would agree with her. :-)) How about the YouTube stars? Is the image they are presenting really theirs or are they saying and doing stuff just to attract the clicks? How would their loved ones react, when this digital persona is brought to life? Would they feel as if they are communicating with someone they know or would they think that it is a stranger?

Do I want this to be my reality?
Two aspects come to mind when I consider this question. One aspect is would I want to “live” on after death, albeit in a digital form? A part of me says yes. Otherwise why do I blog? There are other ways I can improve my writing. Don’t we all feel the need to leave some kind of “legacy” behind? Leave something that would make others think of us after we are dead? What about all the photos we take and videos we make? Even having children could be seen as a way of keeping a part of our genes alive. It might sound narcissistic. But I think that human beings are somewhat narcissistic; some more than others. But would I want some algorithm to calculate what I would post, if I were alive and do it on my behalf? I don’t think so. I might want people to read what I had written but not what I might have written.

The second aspect is would I want to digitally interact with a dead person? Every one deals with loss in a different way. In the movies, grieving people often watch home videos or photos showing the person, who passed away. Wouldn’t a hologram of the loved one sitting next to me and conversing with me- using words written by my loved one- be more satisfying? Wouldn’t it be great to get an answer to a question and the answer would be what your dad would have told you had he been alive? On a superficial level I would say yes. If I really think about it, I would have to answer with a No.

Saying goodbye might be the hardest thing to do. But wouldn’t having a digital replica to hang on to only prolong the grieving period? The temptation might be great to hang on to an inanimate being; especially when we are feeling lonely and vulnerable. The movie Lars and the Real Girl comes to my mind. In the movie, shy and single Lars compensates his loneliness with a Real Girl doll. The whole village plays along, treating the doll like a real person and giving him the feeling that he is in a real relationship. Eventually he doesn’t need the doll and she dies from an “illness”, giving him the opportunity to meet a real girl. I think there is a danger of people withdrawing from reality and leading a life with a digital persona, if they feel alone.

Definition of life and what comes after it
I do not want to get into a religious discussion here. I am Christian and my definition of life after death is different from those of other religions. I would like to sum up the points I made earlier though. In my opinion, if it possible to live digitally after death, we all might spend more thought over the contents we generate in the digital world. After all these contents would make up the “genetic” code of our digital being.

From the perspective of the one living and interacting with a digital zombie, it could mess up the rest of our lives, if we become dependent on it and use it to delay dealing with the grief of losing a loved one. I would rather manually go through the posts, photos and videos instead of having a machine do it for me. I think it is a necessary process of dealing with death. On the other hand, to have a hologram repeating but not creating new content is a much comfortable way to do through the digital inheritance of a person than surfing through posts on the internet.

What do you think?

Belle de Jour – A strong female or a dispaired soul?

In 1998, as part of my Film Critic course in university, I watched the movie Belle de Jour. The French movie was directed by Luis Buñuel in 1967. Given the almost 20 years gap between the time the movie was filmed and the time I watched it, I did not expect the movie to shock me as it did.

In short the movie is about the frigid wife (Séverine Serizy) of a young and attractive doctor (Pierre Serizy). Continue reading

Is Facebook shaping your online friendships?

I have opened Pandora’s Box by thinking about how algorithms shape our world. I am now in the matrix. Everywhere I look, I see algorithms. Algorithms decide what I get to see in the digital world. Given that I spend most of my time online, algorithms’ impact on my life is immense. I cannot stop thinking about how algorithms are manipulating my views this very minute. Now I know what Neo must have felt when he was first confronted with the matrix. Overwhelmed is an understatement! 🙂 Continue reading

Happy Thoughts

Dear Reader,

I survived today’s trial work day with only a terrible headache to show for it. Could have been worse, I guess. 🙂 The feedback I received was positive but still no contract, so it is too soon to open that bottle of champagne. I was in my element today and I am convinced that this is the right career path for me. I will write about my experiences with more details soon.

Here is a poem I wrote today. I find it extremely difficult to write happy poems. The ones about loneliness and pain are much easier to write. The irony is that my real situation is one of happiness and I am neither lonely nor in emotional pain.

Therefore I decided to end today on a happy note. Here is my attempt at a happy poem. Hope you like it. If you don’t, I blame my headache for diminishing my literary prowess.

Yours sincerely,

Irene

HAPPY THOUGHTS

Heavenly moments fleet like the steam above a bowl of chicken soup.

Amore mio, winning your love is my greatest coup.

Picture perfect reality transports me into a state of total elation.

Propagating these pure emotions to the universe is my new vocation.

Yesteryear blues that I grieve not are gone in a swoop.

The attraction of immortality

If you had the choice, like Bella Swan did in the Twilight series, would you choose to remain a mortal or become an immortal? The decision was easy for Bella. The first and most important reason is that she is in love with Edward. As we all know, divorces only happen to other people. Also in her case vampire-human divorces literally do not happen because once the love is gone the human mate becomes the meal. Continue reading

A Scary Valentine’s Day!

I do not expect flowers or chocolate or candle light dinners on Valentine’s Day. I know that Mr. M loves me and I think it is a total waste of money to spend them on overpriced perishables like roses. Don’t misunderstand me, I love roses for their sweet sensual smell but most of the roses sold on Valentine’s Day are deep red, lovely to look at but do not smell at all. Mr. M and I love dark chocolate and we always have some in the fridge. I don’t have to wait for Valentine’s Days to enjoy a good dinner in the company of my loved one. But this blog is not about me dissing the commercialisation of love in the name of St. Valentine. This blog is about love and dealing with the fear of losing one’s love forever. Continue reading

Smile – even when you’re not on candid camera.

I probably belong to the minority group, which is not afraid of going to the dentist. Today my dentist complimented my teeth and stressed the importance of proper dental care. He said, “If you take care of your teeth, then your smile would remain as beautiful for a long time to come.”

Pearly white teeth might improve the aesthetic appearance of a smile but a smile has a cheer-up effect on the giver and the recipient regardless of how it looks like. Have you ever heard of Guillaume-Benjamin-Amand Duchenne de Boulogne? Continue reading