This flash fiction is inspired by the following photo prompt. the challenge is hosted by Madison Woods. Head over there for more flash fiction action.
I welcome constructive criticisms. That’s why I am posting these pieces on a blog. 🙂 Thanks in advance for taking the time to comment.
Wordcount: 100
****************************************************************
Let’s take a dip to cool off before food.
My Blackberry vibrated.
Please don’t! You promised today would be just for us.
I apologised to her but answered the call. My secretary said that I was urgently needed back in the office.
I’ll walk back after lunch. Alone. Again.
***
I sit down on the grassy bank. I feel the morning dew seeping through my jeans. I watch the sun rise.
Its orangey rays illuminate the mist covered fields. But they are not strong enough to chase away the chill within me. Last night she told me she wants a divorce.
How many times has that tale occurred? You told it well, Irene. Nicely styled.
http://tedstrutz.com/2012/04/04/844/
sadly, we take things for granted that means the most to us.
Thanks. 🙂
I did that once.
Irene — terrific structure. When I get to the end, I think, “Of course,” but I still get a lurch in my stomach when the line comes.
Thanks. Glad you liked it. 🙂
Very well told. Enjoyed this a great deal.
Here is mine….http://blog.tompoet.com/?p=264
Sad but nicely told.
Mine: http://www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html
Good contrasts in this piece, both in voice and in mood. I think a different word from ‘orangey’ would enhance the piece. ‘Amber’? ‘Golden’? Nice work.
http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/reaching-a-conclusion-friday-fictioneers-april-2012/
Feel sorry for the poor guy. He’s depressed enough to jump in. I didn’t like the word ‘orangey’ either. It was jarring and upset the flow… in an otherwise smooth piece.
Here’s mine:
http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
That’s a lot in 100 words.
Sad but practical.. Such are the times.. You put it across well. Thanks for sharing..
Here’s my late entry –
http://faitaccompli.wordpress.com/2012/04/07/this-is-the-end-beautiful-friend/
Very well done. Easy to visualize and become part of the poem. I agree that golden would be a good substitute for orangey.
Very good job, Irene. Looks like you are having great fun with this Flash Fiction. I like how you wrapped it all up to the last sentence.
I felt so lonely when I read this. Yes, there is a feeling of finality and despair; the chill evoking images of deep sadness. Great piece, Irene.
Here is mine: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/04/10/flash-fiction-friday-fictioneers/
Hey Irene, hope all is well. I remember you saying you might be starting a new job in April? I think you may have said that. Anyways, just stopping by and wishing you well. Tony
I love reading your site so I’ve nominated you for the Illuminating Blogger Award for illuminating, informative blog content. You can check out the details at my site … http://foodstoriesblog.com/illuminating-blogger-award/ … Hope you’re having a great Memorial Day weekend!